VIP Sale
This is a quick note to retailers in my area. Everyone else, feel free to leave and do something that, unlike my blog, stands some remote chance of being the slightest bit enjoyable and/or productive.
Retailers, are you are about to hold a huge, massive, immense, colossal, gargantuan, gigantic, and all other synonyms of really big VIP sale? Is the sale solely for very special customers? Do you want to invite me to your VIP-only sale?
If so, don’t send me my invitation using unaddressed mail that goes to every household on every mail route in a 50 mile radius of your store. Call me cynical if you must””you’d be speaking the truth””but your invitation distribution method leads me to question whether you actually do consider me to be an important person, let alone an very important one. It also leads me to question your overall sincerity. I’m just saying.
Oh, and while I’m at it, I also want to send a shout-out to some of the dating services out there. Please read the above and use your brainpower to extrapolate my words to fit your own businesses.
No, never mind, you likely don’t have the necessary intelligence to perform that extrapolation. Here’s my point: Do you know those unaddressed mailings that you send with the words “someone special is waiting to meet you” on the front of an otherwise blank envelope? You know, the ones that Canada Post has, on your behalf, placed in every mailbox in the Greater Toronto Area (GTA) and probably elsewhere. Yeah, those.
My response? Uh, I don’t think so.
You’re wasting your advertising dollars on me with a campaign like that. I’m not interested in meeting someone special who is so indiscriminate as to want to “meet“ all 5 million or so of us in the GTA. I may be desperate, but not that desperate.
Don’t get me wrong. I’ll admit to being somewhat intrigued in a sick sort of way by such a promiscuous “special someone,” but I don’t want the interviewing nurse at the blood donor clinic to turn me down when I go to donate blood.
I don’t want to cast aspersions on that special someone you mentioned on the front of your envelope. Not at all. Again, I’m just saying.
I think I must have received some of the mail from Toronto down here. Furniture stores are really bad to do that crap. Then, if you should bother to go in hopes of catching a great sale, the sales staff ignores hell out of you. That’s how they treat a VIP? Damn, I’ll just stay as I am and save some money in the meantime.
RedRaider: Yeah, it’s amazing how, to these retailers, everyone is a VIP. It kind of devalues the VIP currency, doesn’t it? Maybe I’m wrong, I don’t think I can take one of these VIP mailings to one of the snootiest, avant-garde nightclubs and expect it to allow me to bypass the line. Then again, that’s OK by me because I’m not at all interested in snooty, avant-garde nightclubs.
I get a considerable amount of VIP mail for Mr. David Q Public “or Current Resident”.
That makes me feel very special….kind of like so special I must have been licking the windows of the short bus on my way home to get today’s mail.
David: Actually, there are mailings that are worse than Mr. David Q Public “or Current Resident” mail. You’re going to think I’m joking about this, but I’m not.
I have a Bachelor of Science and an MBA. Some time ago, an advertiser that sent me a letter had my name, but apparently knew about only my Bachelor of Science degree. In Canada, Bachelor of Science is abbreviated as B.Sc., but in the States it’s abbreviated as B.S. This particular mailing came from an advertiser that had my degree in it’s database abbreviated the American way. You may already see where this is going. This advertiser decided to be formal in addressing its letter, but it’s software wasn’t very good at recognizing what’s a last name and what’s a university degree. As a result, the advertiser’s letter to me was addressed as “Dear Mr. B.S.” I was not inclined to view that advertiser particularly favorably.
I think I’d feel much more VIP-ish if I DIDN’T get junk mail.
Stephanie Barr: Wouldn’t we all!
Its better than those letters from churches with picture of Jesus on the paper “rug” you’re supposed to kneel on and get rich..
As for those non personal ads? When I get real bored I switch around the paid for return cards with the addresses of the other junk mail.. In other words, I sign them up for each others crap..See how they like the return spam.
nipsy: I’d never seen one those Jesus on a paper “rug” deals. It’s a good thing too. I would have died laughing if I had.
I love your idea for giving them a taste of their own medicine, but only because I can’t get close enough to give them a kick in the ass.
David: I’ve always regarded much more highly the “dazzle with brilliance” route. Then again, lacking the necessary skills to dazzle anyone with brilliance, maybe I should try the “baffle with bullshit” option. Instead, I tend to do neither. As a result, I have absolutely no influence whatsoever over anyone whosoever
Dear Mr. B.S.
I’m inclined to think that being recognized as an expert in B.S. would connote certain advantages in life. I’ve long given great value to the philosophy: “Dazzle with brilliance or baffle with bullshit”.
Even a few colleges did this. They had this huge packet that made a person feel very special and like they where guaranteed to get into that school… everyone in my high school got one.
Aron Sora: Colleges? Holy crap! A few decades ago, when I was applying to universities, if I found out that a college did that, there’s no way I’d want to go there. It sounds like the emails I get from “universities” offering me a degree without the need to take classes or do coursework. Umm, thanks, but no thanks. I think I’ll stick with the couple of degrees I got the old-fashioned way.
Interestingly enough, that’s how I chose my college. Oklahoma State University sent me the “Welcome OSU freshman!” whereas the University of Oklahoma sent me a letter specifically addressed to me explaining why they would be so honored to have me (particularly) at their university.
Also, they gave me a big scholarship.
If you’re really a VIP, let ‘em say it with money.
Stephanie Barr: Yeah, a scholarship helps to confirm that they really do think you’re special as opposed to a “Dear prospective student or occupant” letter, doesn’t it?