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Joel Klebanoff: Stuff & Nonsense

To worry is to be. To be is to worry.

Shocking Secrets Women Don’t Want Me to Know

An email arrived in my inbox today with the subject line, “Shocking Secrets Women Don’t Want You To Know.” In it, the sender, whom the “from” line tells me is named Michael (I won’t provide his last name because Michael might want to keep his likely fictitious name a secret), informed me that he “recently discovered an absolutely GUARANTEED method for getting ANY woman into your bed.” (The emphasis via capitalization was Michael’s, not mine.)

The email went on to encourage me to click a link to discover the secret in a free video.

The fact that I found this offer to be exceptionally enticing probably says something not terribly flattering about me, but for the life of me I can’t imagine what.

In the end, I decided not to take up the offer. It wasn’t that I was afraid that someone I know might discover that I had taken it up and think lesser of me (although, I do worry about that sort of thing). It was just that I expected that long before Michael gave me the secret he would, despite telling me the video was free, try to extract some money from me. What’s more, I was convinced that I’d probably be expected to pay Michael a pretty sum for advice that started with, “first you have to vacate the premises.”

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