If you believe in the Book of Genesis in the Old Testament, which is the foundation of Judeo-Christian faith, I think you have to come to the conclusion that God has a Type A personality and is a touch less than omnipotent.
Think about it.
He creates the heavens, Earth, light, water, sky, the sun, the planets, all of the creatures on Earth, all of the plants on Earth, and a whole bunch of other stuff that I’ve undoubtedly forgotten about; He gathers together the waters and separates them from the rocks, soil and other non-liquid stuff; He separates the light from the dark; He undertakes a whole bunch of other tasks that I’ve undoubtedly forgotten about; and He does all of this in only six days.
Talk about driven! What the hell was his hurry? That’s the definition of a Type A personality right there.
Why couldn’t He have been a more laid-back Dude? It’s not as if anyone was watching. He could have easily stretched it out to a five- or ten-year project. No one would have complained or even have noticed.
Create a few galaxies. Relax with a martini.
Create a few more galaxies. Read a good book.
Create Earth. Catch a movie.
Create light, but only after the movie is finished so you don’t spoil the film. Unless, of course, you don’t enjoy the film, in which case, by all means, feel free to bring up the lights in the middle. Have a snack.
Dump some water on Earth. Play solitaire.
Separate the water and the earth so there won’t be so much mud. Stare off into the space you created earlier.
Create a few plants. Have a nice meal.
Create a few animals. Go for a walk.
Create man and let him jerk off for a while. Take a nice long nap.
Create woman so man doesn’t have to jerk off as often. Catch some television.
And You’re done.
See. He didn’t have to hurry so much. What was His rush? Did He have an appointment to get to? If so, with whom? Would it have killed Him to slow down a bit? He should have taken a deity-strength Valium and stopped to smell the flowers after He created them.
And on the seventh day He rested. What the hell was that all about?
I thought He was supposed to be omnipotent. Why did He need the rest? Couldn’t He have started right off on spying on His creatures; listening to their whiny, petty little prayers; smiting a few evildoers unless they’ve repented or paid dispensation to the appropriate church, in which case they’re off the hook; creating a few earthquakes and hurricanes to make things entertaining and to give the news networks something to report on; or whatever the hell it is that He’s doing to fill his time these days?
Of course, that having been said, it’s a damn good thing for us that He did rest on the seventh day. Otherwise, our calendars would have only six-day weeks and we’d get much less time off. Who the hell needs that? Not me. I’m not that driven.
By the way, can any of you spare any hotdogs or marshmallows? I figure that if my atheism is misguided I’m going to be spending a lot of time in hell. I might as well have something to roast while I’m there.
Categorised as: religion