Joel Klebanoff: Stuff & Nonsense

To worry is to be. To be is to worry.

Daylight Saving

In most of Canada and the United States we switched to Daylight Saving Time today. Or, rather than doing it today, you might have moved your clocks ahead last night before going to bed if you’re an eager beaver. (As an aside, when people use the expression “eager beaver,” they’re referring to the animal, right? I’ve never been sure.)

I really like having the sun set later. Of course, I know that the calibration of our clocks is totally arbitrary. We could just as easily leave our clocks alone and tell everyone, “If you used to work from nine to five, you now work from eight to four. Please adjust the times of your other activities accordingly.” It would amount to the same thing.

Or we could have set our clocks differently to start with. For example, at some point in history someone could have said, “When Greenwich, England resident Leslie Horloges, known to this friends as Les, first sees the sun above the horizon on June 21, that’s going to be 12:00 a.m. everywhere in the world. Everyone’s clocks will advance at their normal pace from that point forward. Decide amongst yourselves when you’re going to do stuff in you’re locale and let the rest of us know so we won’t call you when you’re sleeping, but the time will always be the same for everyone, everywhere.”

Of course, if Les Horloges had slept in on June 21 of that year or if it was so cloudy in Greenwich on that day that the sun wasn’t visible, we would have been screwed. But, other than that, it would have worked.

Despite being cognizant of the arbitrariness of clock settings, because I’m a simpleton who is easily deluded, I still get a psychological boost from seeing daylight when, according to the clock on the wall, it’s evening.

That having been said, one thing that I really hate about switching to Daylight Saving Time is losing an hour this weekend. What with sleeping, eating, peeing, crapping and, of course, relaxing and napping, there are already too few hours in the day. Losing one is totally unacceptable. I’m willing to give up my enjoyment of evening daylight to keep that hour.

Here’s what I propose: Starting next year, let’s stop switching to Daylight Saving Time. However, I love getting that extra hour in the fall when we move our clocks backward, so let’s keep doing that.

Think of the benefits of my proposal. Consider the effect on babies born from this point on. If they live to just 72 “” which is not much of a stretch seeing as though the average lifespan in most developed countries is already beyond that and medical advances will likely lengthen it yet further “” they’ll pick-up 72 extra hours in their lives, one each autumn when they move their clocks back. That’s three extra days.

They could use those extra days for anything they want. For example, that would give them plenty of time to get their affairs in order “” or to have an affair “” before they die, without having to use any of their regular time to do so.

With ideas like these, I can’t figure out why I haven’t been elected ruler of the world yet.


Categorised as: time


21 Comments

  1. C.B.Jones says:

    Because people kept misspelling your last name on the ballet?

    • C.B. Jones: It took me a while to figure out what your comment meant. Then I realized that “ballet” was probably a typo and you meant “ballot”. At least, I hope so because I don’t look good in leotards. I’m still trying to find something that I do look good in.

      On the assumption that you did mean ballot, yes, that’s probably it. A lot of people misspell my last name. I don’t know why. It’s spelled exactly the way it sounds. Then again, most people mispronounce it, so that could be the source of the problem.

      Hussy Housewife: I’ve added your name to the petition. I don’t know if I can actually make time stop for an hour, but if you elect me ruler of the world, I’ll see what I can do. By the way, when you vote for me, it’s spelled K L E B A N O F F.

      RedRaider: I saw another study (or maybe it was the same study reported earlier) that said essentially the same thing, but I don’t remember the percentage in the study I saw. The good news is that it should be easier to find parking spots on the day after we switch to Daylight Saving Time. (Assuming, of course, that people have their heart attacks at home, with their cars in their own driveways rather than hogging public parking spots.)

  2. I am in! I will sign the petition. Or how about every fall..time will just stop for 1 hour.

  3. RedRaider says:

    I saw on NBC new Friday night that a study had been done which showed that there is a 5% increase in heart attacks when that one hour of sleep is lost. Are you kidding? One lost hour sleep one day a year? What about the other 364 days that you’re still probably getting less than 8 hours a night?

  4. A very sensible idea and that one that I fully support.

    Why with those three extra days you could study and perfect the art of ballet.

    • Ram Venkatararam: Thanks for your support. As to the ballet, I don’t think so. It’s not exactly my thing. I know I can put those three days to more productive use. For example, can any one recommend 72 hours of good porn I could watch?

  5. Jen says:

    I’d like to keep the hour in the morning along with the extra hour in the evening. I like the extra light but really need the light in the morning. Is there any chance you can slow the sun down so our days are longer all year round? If so I’ll be happy to elect you leader of the world. Tights and all.

    • Jen: I’ll go you one better. Slowing the sun down won’t do any good as far as our days are concerned. Besides, I’d probably burn my hands if I tried. Rumors to the contrary notwithstanding, I don’t enjoy pain.

      While I have no plans to slow the sun, slowing the earth’s rotation is a key plank in my campaign platform. This will have the effect that I think you’re after. Of course, you’ll have to elect me to find out if I’m one of those politicians who actually keeps his promises.

      Shawn: Conflicted and confused; you’re my kind of person. … Unfortunately.

  6. Shawn says:

    I’m afraid I have to run against you on principle alone. I despise this time of year, and would prefer it to be dark from approximately 4:00 PM forward. However, I do support ballet, so I’m conflicted. And confused…

  7. David says:

    I would be happy keeping daylight savings time year round. Thenat least in winter I leave work with a bit of daylight instead of going in when it’s dark and going home when it is dark as well.

    I had no idea that Canadia got looped into the new US schedule for this.

    • David: I’ll adopt any plan, as long as I get to keep my extra hour in the fall.

      Yes, we switched to the new clock-changing dates when the U.S. switched. There are two perfectly good reasons for this:

      1. 1) Because there is so much two-way trade between Canada and the U.S. (we are each other’s largest trading partner) most of our provincial governments (it is a provincial, not federal decision in Canada) felt it would be too confusing if we didn’t follow the U.S. lead, leaving our businesses out of sync with U.S. businesses for a few weeks. You’ll be happy to know that some pockets of Canada don’t go on daylight saving time at all.
      2. 2) We are such incredible wimps that we couldn’t stand up for ourselves and keep the schedule that worked best for us.
  8. Jen says:

    I’m such an idiot! Duh. Really, I know the world is no longer flat.

    • Jen: Don’t be too hard on yourself. Yeah, I figured you knew. To be honest, when I started responding to your comment I didn’t notice anything wrong with what you said and I originally wrote that, yes, I would do exactly what you said. It wasn’t until just before I hit the “Submit” button that I said to myself, “Wait a minute; that’s not right.” And I rewrote my response to the one that appears.

      But wait a minute! I know that the earth rotates rather than the sun revolving around the earth, but are you telling me that the earth isn’t flat?

  9. ettarose says:

    My Joel, you are full of grandiose plans aren’t you? Leader of the world? I am afraid you have to be leader of your own world first. :) If everyone does not like daylight savings time, then go on strike and refuse to follow the rules. Or if you want everyone can move to Arizona.

  10. Count Sneaky says:

    This is a piece of brilliance, right up there with the Count’s suggestion to rename it “Daylight Spending Time.” This would certainly put a much friendlier face on the thing and would give it wide appeal. The problem with “Daylight Savings Time” is that it pays no interest! Think about it. Another hour to spend
    scooterpooping around. The best. Count Sneaky

  11. nonamedufus says:

    Say, why do they call it daylight savings when you actually lose an hour? Like, who thought of that one?

  12. Count Sneaky says:

    Yes …you have my continued support in your quest to rule the world. But,it will cost you a bribe or two( one for me;one for my trophy wife of 53 years.) You will, of course, need a Court Jester and I am currently free of all obligations including sanity.
    Count Sneaky

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