In an earlier blog post I made an off-hand remark about my laziness. Someone responded to that remark in a way that implied that the she saw laziness as a negative trait. I take exception to that view. Sloth is good. No, sloth is glorious.

Think about it. Indolent people do not launch wars. To enter into a war you have to assemble an army, acquire armaments, develop strategies and tactics and then execute your plans. That’s a lot of work. Clearly, it’s not a job for the slothful. The lazy would much prefer to sit on a comfy couch, remote control in hand, and watch reality shows on television. (Reality shows are perfect for slackers because those programs don’t require any brain activity.) Hence, if everyone were slothful, there would be no wars. I say, “go to sleep, not to war.”

And what about burglary? First, you have to travel to someone else’s home – there’s little point in breaking into your own home; all of your stuff is already in your possession. Then you have to get into the house. An amateur might smash a window or use a crowbar to force a door open. That requires enough exertion in itself, but a professional has to acquire the necessary lock-picking tools and spend time learning his trade. Once inside you have to run around looking for valuables and then hurry out, schlepping away your haul before you are caught. It all seems too much effort. Of course, there are benefits. If you’re arrested for your deeds you will likely be sent to jail where you will be fed and housed without any effort required on your part. Jail sounds like a sluggard’s heaven.

And rape? Forget about it. There will be no rape in a fully slothful world. Sex itself takes some effort, but if you stay on the bottom and trick your partner into doing all the work you can gain the rewards without expending much energy. (Of course, this does require one somewhat energetic partner, which could be a problem in a fully slothful world.) But rape? By definition that requires force and force requires exertion. It’s certainly not a job for the indolent at heart.

I won’t bore you by going through the full list of great and minor evils committed in this world, but suffice it to say that all of them require effort and, therefore, are not likely to be undertaken by the truly lazy.

So, make this your rallying cry-or rather just your whimper; rallying cries require too much exertion. Rise up-or, rather, sit down-and embrace your inner sloth. The world will be better for it. Be idle; you have nothing to lose but your … well, actually, your livelihood. Hmm, maybe I better lie down and rethink this.