When they came up with a name for Alzheimer’s disease, couldn’t they have picked one that was easier to recall and spell? Alzheimer has three syllables to remember. More than merely the multiple syllables, you also have to remember that it is spelled with a “z” rather than, say, a “ts.” And you have to remember that it’s “ei” rather than having the “i” before the “e,” which might seem more logical because, after all, they aren’t after a “c.” What’s more, the disease’s name would be pronounced the same way if it were spelled with simply an “i” instead of an “ei,” so that too might confuse you.

If Alzheimer victims want to send letters to loved ones informing their family and friends of the onset of the dread disease in the victims’ brains, what’s the probability of the them remembering, not just the disease’s name, but also how to spell it? It’s not very likely, if you ask me.

Maybe the three syllables and the complex spelling of Alzheimer offer a benefit. The medical community can use these characteristics as an initial screening test for the disease. You walk into your doctor’s office, she hands you a piece of paper and a pencil and asks you to spell the name of the disease that has gained much notoriety and is typically characterized as resulting in a loss of memory. If you succeed, she sends you home with a clean bill of health. If you fail, she sends you off for more tests.

Nonetheless, that seems like a poor excuse for assigning a three syllable name to a disease that has memory loss as its primary symptom. Instead, why not give it a single syllable label so its sufferers will have half a chance of remembering it? I’d like to put ME (short for Memory Expiration) forward as an alternative.

One side benefit of calling the disease ME rather than Alzheimer’s is that when sufferers learn of the diagnosis and they want to give their spouses the bad news they can soften the blow by crooning,

I got you to talk with me

I got you to kiss goodnight

I got you to hold me tight

I got you, I won’t let go

I got you to love me so

I got ME babe

Unfortunately, they’d have to remember the lyrics to that old Sonny and Cher song before they could paraphrase it like that, which might be a problem for Alzheimer’s suffers. Oh well, it was just a thought.

(If you think you’re too young to know who Sonny and Cher were (and Cher still is), let alone to have heard that song, are you sure? Maybe you’ve just forgotten. Humor me and answer the following question: How do you to spell the name of the disease that has gained much notoriety and is typically characterized as resulting in a loss of memory?)

Now, if one of you wouldn’t mind helping me out, what the hell was the point I was trying to make? I’ve forgotten.