After all these years of people telling me the answer, I no longer care why the chicken crossed the road. Here is a small sampling of the other things I’m tired of hearing:

• “You can’t make an omelet with without breaking eggs.” Yes, that’s true, but you also can’t make a Bloody Mary without pouring vodka. Now, have a drink and leave me the hell alone.
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• “There’s no “˜I’ in team.” Again, that’s true, but it’s also true that there’s no “U” in “silly, intolerable jerk”, but that doesn’t mean that you aren’t a silly, intolerable jerk. Enough said.
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• “Politics is a dirty business.” No, shoveling shit out of pigsties with your bare hands is dirty business. Politics, such as it is, is what passes for democracy in countries that are at least somewhat free. Come to think of it, there isn’t much difference between the two these days, is there? Never mind.
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• “It’s always darkest just before the dawn.” Thank you; thank you very much. But if that’s the only piece of information that I’ve failed to learn as a result of my preferring to sleep past sunrise then I’m not terribly concerned.
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• And if, when things aren’t going my way, one more person feels the need to repeat the trite truism “tomorrow is another day” I might have to renounce my normal pacifist nature and prove to him or her that what is true in general isn’t necessarily true on an individual basis.