Joel Klebanoff: Stuff & Nonsense

To worry is to be. To be is to worry.

Archive for April, 2006

Say Again —

Many of the popular sayings that I grew up with were misleading. Some were merely confusing, but others, if followed literally, would have led to catastrophe. I don’t know if all of them are still in use today. Consequently, young people reading this might say, “What the hell is that old fart talking about.” That’s [...]

NEWSFLASH: Researchers Discover Oil Flow Property —

Economists at Petropilfer University in Gowgem, Texas have discovered a bizarre, previously unrecognized property of oil. Even when all other factors — temperature, air pressure, humidity, oilfield source, type and amount of refining, pipeline diameter and materials, etc. — are held constant, the viscosity of oil varies with its price. According to the economists’ research, [...]

Crashing Miracles —

In August, 2005, a large Air France jet skidded off the runway at Toronto’s international airport. The plane crashed through a security fence, ending up in a gully. Within minutes it was engulfed in flames. Thanks to the thorough training and the resulting quick action of the cabin crew, all 309 passengers and crew escaped [...]

Gassing Up —

I live and work downtown, so I rarely drive. In the past, it was never primarily a money issue that led to my car staying in the garage. It’s just that, if I can do it reasonably conveniently, I prefer walking and taking the subway to driving. The former, walking, forces me to get some [...]

Turning Stupid —

Walking around downtown Toronto, I approached an intersection, Yonge and Dundas, that is one of the city’s busiest in terms of both pedestrian and vehicular traffic. Drivers passing through are not allowed to make any turns at any time of the day or night. This restriction is clearly marked on several easily visible signs. In [...]

The Speech —

I have a business degree, so I’ve been trained to focus on productivity. Consequently, I find the massive inefficiency of some of our most time-honored traditions to be utterly shameful. For example, think how much more productive we would all be and, consequently, how much more society could have accomplished over the course of human [...]